Living Unapologetically

Growing up, I often struggled with trying to fit in. I felt as though I was always under the microscope by someone who was watching my every move to make sure that what I was doing was "adequate" or beneficial to them. In elementary school, I was always teased for being smart and being in the Gifted and Talented (GT) program-- so when I got to high school I decided against taking a full international baccalaureate (IB) schedule in an effort to fit in with the "regular" students. I tried a cigarette in middle school after swearing I'd NEVER touch one just because I wanted to come across as "cool" to one of the popular girls. I gave up my hobby of playing the flute in the band because I didn't want to be considered a "band nerd", and I instead joined track...although I hated running.

This eventually made its way into my adult years. I couldn't possibly live knowing that there was someone who was displeased with me or who didn't approve of the things that I did, so before every decision I thought about everyone else and what they'd think: I attended graduate school to obtain my MBA before I was ready or had even the slightest idea where I wanted to take my career, because I wanted to please my family members who felt I needed to get another degree to succeed in life. I've gotten myself into debt purchasing material things just trying to impress people who I dated, or simply just trying to keep up with those around me who could actually afford those things. I've made poor career choices just for the money, as opposed to doing so because it was something I was passionate about.

But eventually, trying to live for others becomes exhausting. We reach a breaking point where we can no longer juggle our wants, our needs, and the opinions and comments of others at one time. Eventually, something has to give. For me, that breaking point came when a friend ignorantly accused me of "trying to be" a different race, simply because I had chosen to learn a new language and try new cultural recipes. It was that moment that the questions dawned on me: Why did I need to apologize for something that made me happy? Why the hell did it matter so much to everyone else what I did with my time, and with my life? Furthermore, why the hell did it matter so much to me what everyone else thought about what I was doing with my time, and with my life? So I stopped. I vowed to myself that no longer would I let someone else live my life. I vowed that the only person responsible for living my life was ME, and that from that moment on, all my decisions and choices would be made by no one but ME.

So now, I travel whenever I feel the urge, whether it be to the same place that I've visited a million times, or somewhere new. I am shameless about the fact that I choose to spend time learning about other cultures, customs and languages. I'm not afraid to go places alone and meet new people. I am not afraid to say no. Likewise, I'm not afraid to say yes. I'm the only one who influences the decisions I make about my future.

Far too often in life we spend time trying to live to the expectations of others. We make decisions based on what we feel would be socially acceptable to our inner circles and peers, so much that we forget to focus on the most important thing-- ourselves. It becomes a habit and eventually we get lost within ourselves, not knowing who we really are or who we want to be. So what can we do? Well, we can choose to continue spiraling down into a life of living for other people, or we can wake up and start living for us. The moment we learn to listen to GOD as opposed to everyone else, life instantly becomes stress-free, drama-free, and doubt-free.

That being said, I'm choosing to take everything that life throws my way and make the best out of it, because I know that for every situation, good and bad, there's something positive that comes from it. People around me may still talk, judge, and scrutinize, but I choose to use it as fuel-- fuel to continue growing mentally, spiritually, and culturally. I've chosen to live my life unapologetically. I've chosen to LIVE.

My Undying Love for Puerto Rico

This past May I wrapped up my 6^th trip to Puerto Rico in three years. In fact, it’s the only place I’ve travelled to since my first visit in June 2012. Not once have I ever grown tired of visiting—in fact, with each visit I only leave wanting to return even more than I did the prior visit.

Friends and family look at me like I’m crazy. They don’t understand why I never get tired of this tiny island, or why I would want to continue visiting when there are so many other beautiful places in the world where I could vacation. They don’t understand how one little island can capture one’s heart and fill it with so much happiness whenever I visit. They don’t understand how what was supposed to be one girls vacation turned into a desire to pack up all of my belongings and move there.

I’ll never forget my first trip, which had occurred not long after being laid off from my job. I considered it a bit of a getaway—a chance to enjoy life before returning back home and getting on the grind to finding new employment. We had our fun doing the typical touristy things, such as sitting under a beach umbrella sipping on a drink on Condado Beach, going to Brava nightclub at El San Juan resort, and visiting Old San Juan. We even did a couple of non-touristy things such as visiting a couple of “locals” nightclubs and going to La Placita for dinner…but I knew that there was something different about this island that made it different than the other places I’d visited over the years. Something had captured me, telling me that there was more. 

The morning we were scheduled to fly back home, I woke up and decided I wasn’t going with them. I called my family to let them know I’d be extending my trip. I then called the front desk and asked to keep the room a little longer, and called the airlines to rebook my flight for a few days later. I then wished my friends well as they packed up and headed to the airport. Considering I’d never once travelled alone, it was by far the craziest thing I’d done…but I was okay with it.

  

I spent my time alone walking the beach and listening to the sound of the waves as I exhaled all the stress, negative energy and thoughts that consumed my mind and inhaled nothing but positivity and calmness. I took the time to visit new restaurants and try dishes that I knew I wouldn’t find at home. I talked to other vacationers about their vacation experiences, and talked to locals about their lives and their goals and aspirations.

The day eventually came when I had to leave…but I wasn’t ready. To everyone’s surprise, I ended up extending my trip for a couple more days, in which I made more friends from the island. At one point, I even found myself looking at an available apartment, which I hoped to soon call my own. Eventually my vacation funds had dwindled down and it was time for me to pack up and leave for good—but I left knowing that it would not be the last time Puerto Rico would see me…and it wasn’t. My next trip eventually was booked for just a couple of short months later.

So, what is it about Puerto Rico that captures my heart the way it does? You know, I couldn’t even tell you exactly what it is, as each person experiences things in a different way…but there’s just something about this place that excites me and lights a fire in me. Maybe it’s the colorful scenery, the breathtaking sunrise and sunsets, the flavorful food, and the sound of people saying "Buen Provecho" every time you sit down to eat a meal. Maybe it's the warm nights, the rejuvenating breezes, and the sound of lively Latin rhythms everywhere you go. Maybe it’s the "unique" Puerto Rican dialect that sets it apart from every other Spanish-speaking country, the friendly people, and the close-knit families. Or maybe it’s simply the slower pace and “realness” of everyone and everything you see.

Since my first trip, I’ve met a number of genuine friends from the island that I now consider family. We keep in touch, and every time I visit I make sure I see each and every one of them. It makes me feel great to know that to them, I’m not a tourist, but I’m just another “local” who happens to live in the states. I'll never forget the day one of my friends greeted me with "Welcome home," because that's exactly where I felt I was. I’m still hoping that one day I can actually become a resident of this beautiful island, even if just for a short time.

I have more photos saved on my phone and laptop than I know what to do with: Photos from San Juan, photos from Luquillo and Fajardo. Photos from Arecibo, Orocovis, and Utuado. Photos from Culebra and photos from small towns that I don’t even recall the name. I’ve visited El Yunque rainforest, seen the caves at Rio Camuy Cave Park and have conquered "La Bestia" and other ziplines at Toro Verde Nature Park. I’ve visited Lago Dos Bocas and the Arecibo Observatory. I’ve gone sliding down the rocks at Las Pailas, have indulged in the tender lechón of Guavate, and have experienced some of the cozy “chinchorros.” I’ve experienced the beauty of the Fajardo bioluminescent bays, peeked over the mountainside at Cueva Ventana, and have eaten more pinchos and empanadillas than I can count in Piñones. Every experience and every photo has captured so much beauty, and so much culture—something that I can say I have never experienced during my 31+ years of life in the states.

I may have visited Puerto Rico several times already, but I’m not nearly done yet. I still have several other places to visit and things to experience, and I’m not just talking about within the larger cities and tourist areas such as Ponce, Aguadilla, Vieques or Rincón. I want to visit all of the tiny towns and cities and mountains in between. I want to see Puerto Rico for all it is—the beautiful beaches, the small towns; the good and the bad. I want to take it ALL in. 

Sure, people have their negative things to say about the island, even those with Puerto Rican blood who grew up there or have family who live there—but that will never deter me from visiting or feeling the way that I do about the island. Every place has poverty. Every place has unemployment and crime. Just about every place has some sort of debt…but I choose to be positive and look at the beautiful side of things, and Puerto Rico has awaken a side of me that I didn’t know existed—has given me an undying energy and a passion for something brand new. It has blessed me with friendships and experiences that I will never forget. It has given me something new to love, and trust me, I am completely in love—with Puerto Rico.

For more photos from my PR experiences, follow me on Instagram: @addicted2PR